Before Marriage

Anyone familiar with Ephesians 5? Yeah you know, "wife submit to your husbands..husbands love your wife...". Yeah, that one. Most beautiful scripture on how marriage ought to look like as God created it. It's a touchy topic I know, and let me know if you want to talk about it a bit more. But today I'm actually caught by the scriptures before...Ephesians 4. It talks a lot about how we ought to be before marriage. And I wondered, if we took time to learn to understand this part, we might just be ready for the part that comes next.

Anyway, why don't we take a look?

So what can we learn from Ephesians 4? In Ephesians 4 we see a conversation about what maturity looks like. Apostle Paul takes time to highlight Christian living before he went to discuss marriage relationships in his letter to the Ephesians. This tells me that this was an important context for the Ephesians to understand the kind of heart involved in a marriage relationship.

From Ephesians 4, we can see many things, but I'll highlight 7 of them.

Before marriage:

Learn to walk in humility and gentleness.

1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace (Eph 4: 1-3).

It takes a humble and gentle heart to truly have the patience to know someone, to see them how God sees them, and love them like God wants us to love them. It is in this unconditional posture that you can fan into flame he that is within, irrespective of where he is at the moment. Brethren this is why they say love is different when it comes to Christian marriage. It is Holy Spirit empowered.

Cultivate patience.

It takes patience to love well. We need to learn to bear with one another in love, to make room for one another so that our spouses can simply be themselves. When you give room for your spouse to be themselves, you really see them, and they also feel seen.

Be grounded in the Word of God.

13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. (Eph 4: 13 - 15)

Grow deep roots in the Word of God. When you're grounded you won't easily forget your first love in your new love. Yes, people, it can be sweet, especially in the early years. And it can be challenging too. The key to consistency is to be continually rooted in the Word of God. Keeping your first love first and honoring Him as your primary goal. When you can do this, then everything else in your life, including your marriage thrives.

Learn to speak the truth in love.

15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

This hallmark of Christian maturity is also a hallmark of a mature spouse. It takes a lot of wisdom to communicate the truth uncompromisingly and lovingly. When you communicate the truth in love the person will not feel attacked, and your word will exude the fruits of the Spirit. Gentleness, self-control, and love will be very present in such hard truths. Even if it convicts them so hard they retort, you have control of your emotions. If you can do this, you'll be able to have harder contentious conversations in marriage.

Learn how to get angry.

26 “In your anger do not sin”[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. (Eph 4 : 26 - 27)

When you get angry do people question your faith? Are you a completely different person when you're angry? Well, marriage would be hard if this continues. You aren't your anger. Remember the Holy Spirit is working in you to give you the desire and power to be who God has called you to be. (Phil 2:13)

Learn to forgive quickly.

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Your spouse might be a repeat offender. They might not help out with the dishes. They might leave their potato chips on the sofa. They might press the toothpaste on the wrong end of the tube. Forgiveness is the order of the day in marriage. Don't let small things pile up into bitterness, talk about them (Remember #4 "learn to speak the truth in love"?).

Learn to listen to the Holy Spirit.

16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit,

Know how the Holy Spirit talks to you and respond. Learn to hear and do His will. This way once marriage happens you're quick to move in His leading. God knows how to do marriage best, if we learn to hear Him and choose Him, we'll be set up for a successful marriage. Growing in this area also helps with figuring out who to marry too :).