God is Working: That One Thing, A Short Story

Why does it have to be this one thing? I’ve tried everything. I’ve exercised, I’ve changed my diet, I’ve lost weight, I’ve done all that I can do. But everything seems like a bust. It’s like I’m running on a treadmill and heading no where. Why doesn’t He want to heal me? She thought to herself.

 Is there anyway I could get better? 

She stared at herself in the mirror. Her chubby cheeks, wide hips, thick thighs. Everything was a reminder of her failure to overcome  a condition that so many had resisted and won.  

Once again another month without a period or positive pregnancy test.

The tears were starting to to come. John was going to be back any minute, and from experience there was no point hiding this from him. He was good at figuring it out now. No crying in the bathroom and rubbing her eyes out was going to change the fact that he would know. She wanted him to anyway. She knew it wasn’t healthy to go through this alone though it hurt to tell her husband they were without child yet again.

#

Today was bible study.

“John , we’re running late!”

“Coming, coming. I just need to turn the AC off so we don’t raise the gas bill.”

“K, please be quick so we’re not late today.”

We had bible study every Wednesday at church, John and I try not to miss it and coupled with the fact that I was taking the opening prayer today. I didn’t want to be late. My husband’s amazing but dare I say he forgets his limited by time and space sometimes. You can’t turn off the AC, wear your shoes, turn on the flood lights, take out the trash and warm up the car in 1 minute. His perception of time is peculiar  to say the least. Seems “chronos” runs differently in the reality he lives in. I love him though, he’s still the best.

“John!”

“Alright, alright I’m done.”

We piled into our Tesla in record time and made our way to church. Lord help us there’s no traffic on the way. 

 “Are you ok baby?”,  John asked her.  He knew I’d been having a hard time with the last test result.

“I’m fine, but my heart hurts”, she responded. 

She was putting it lightly, her heart was shattered to say the least. The push and tug of waiting, and hoping is not easy on the mind. She balled her fists.  “God help me”, she whispered. 

“It’s ok baby, we’ll have our kid. This womb will carry our children”, He said as he reached for her belly.

“I pray so too, I just don’t know what to do anymore”. 

“I’m not even sure if I’m ovulating much less getting pregnant”.

“ I’ve done everything the doctors have asked, exercise, eat less carbs, sleep more you name it”.

“Yet it still feels like I’m hitting a brick wall”.

“It’s so frustrating because I literally don’t know what to do. I’ve tried everything”.

“It’s ok baby”, John said. 

“Let’s just relax and enjoy ourselves. No pressure. God is the giver of children. He is the one that visits those who are waiting, it’s not by our own power or might”.

“Ok baby, I hear you”.

“It’s just not easy with how I feel my body every month”. 

“Every little sign”.  Shonda sighed. 

God please help me. I need you right now.

John patted her back gently as he drove. Trying to give her some of his strength if he could.

They were finally at the church and they made it there with 15 mins to spare before Shonda had to lead opening prayers. 

Shonda whispered another prayer to the Lord as she disembarked their vehicle.

Sister Shonda, you can go up now and start, the coordinator for the day whispered to Shonda when the time came. Shonda stood up from her seat beside John and grabbed the microphone to start. She had prepped her prayer points the night before but she started to feel a shift in the direction the Lord wanted her to go. 

She began.

Can we all rise up and begin to worship the Lord this evening. 

Start by thanking Him for all He’s done in your life, to this point. 

All He’s done in your week. Isn’t He marvelous…

Shonda continued to speak the Words as they came leading the congregation in worship of the Lord. She started her other prayer points, and continued to pray, but there was a nagging in her spirit she couldn’t shake. She started to ask the Lord about it in her heart as she prayed and clear as day she saw a woman with a bouncing baby boy in her arms crying for joy. She started to get excited, the lady looked like she had been waiting a long time. She felt the kindness of God over her. She started to imagine if the Lord was saying something to her, then all of a sudden she saw the name “Catherine” flash by. The woman’s name was Catherine. It wasn’t her. This was a word of knowledge for someone in the congregation. Quickly before she could overthink it, she gave the word. 

There’s a lady here by the name Catherine and you’ve been waiting for a baby for over 10 years. The Lord is saying I have remembered you and the set time is now. Don’t worry you’ll have the child I promised.

 Immediately a soft gasp came from the back from the room followed by gently muffled sniffles. It was a first timer, she hadn’t seen her before.

After bible study Shonda made sure to find the lady right after. She found her in the lobby making her way out of the sanctuary. 

“Hi, I’m Shonda”, she said.

“I gathered, thank you for leading us in such a powerful time of prayer. I’m Catherine”, the lady replied.

“Thank God.”

“I couldn’t help notice you during the service. Have you been waiting for a child?”,  Shonda went right to it.

The lady wasn’t taken aback, it was like she had a witness already in her Spirit. The encounter was all over her.

“Yes, I have. I recently had a miscarriage. The doctors have been insinuating that I might never be able to carry a baby full term. I was almost starting to feel like they were right and that I might need to give up on my dream of becoming a mother…”. Catherine started to sniffle.

“But today the Lord just… just.. saw me. I’d been feeling invisible like I was alone. Today I just feel seen. Not just seen but heard and loved. The Words really went through me like a wave of hugs to my heart. I can’t thank God enough that He would speak to me so loudly and clearly, and assuage the doubts that were forming in my mind.”, She continued.

“God is so good”, she began to shake with gentle sobs. 

Shonda just stood and listened. God was so kind and thoughtful to this woman. She understood her pain.

“Can I give you a hug, sister Catherine”, Shonda asked.

Catherine nodded yes.

Shonda wasted no time in giving her a tight hug as the continued sobbing in her arms.

#

“Yesterday was incredible Rita. I can’t even begin to tell you... The way God visited her in such an incredible way. So openly. Wow. I’m in awe of how much God’s love surpasses our greatest imagination.”

Shonda and Rita have been best friends since Queens College, Nigeria. Since their first year in school they’ve been inseparable, and even after 20 years they still met once a week to catch up. 

“I’m telling you Rita you needed to be there.”, Shonda said animatedly.

Shonda continued in the retelling of what had happened at her last bible study. She was so in awe of what the Lord had done with the lady but Rita could feel something else in the the room. She’d been trying to place her hand on it in the last hour until now. 

Shonda was hurting.

“Shonda, why is your heart so heavy?”

“Heavy? What do you mean? I’m telling you about how amazing God is to this lady and you’re telling me my heart is heavy, do I look heavy to you?”

Rita could feel the heaviness in the room, she couldn’t get passed it. Her gifting was feeling and this one was one of those feels you couldn’t shake.

“Well, Shonda you don’t look heavy but your heart is like a boulder being weighed down in a bottomless ocean.”

Rita let that sink in for a minute.

“Friend, what is wrong?”, She continued.

Shonda went quiet. She was shocked by Rita’s observation, but at this point she should know better. Rita’s sense had been sharpened over the years. It wasn’t going to be easy for her to get past this without talking about it.

 If only she knew what “this” was.

“I’m not sure”, Shonda finally responded. 

“I know God is kind, and loving. He’s obviously amazing, I mean look at sister Catherine. Yet, I feel like my heart is breaking in someways. Hopeless maybe?”

After a brief pause Rita responded. “Do you feel like God is kind to you?”

“In a lot of ways, yes.”, Shonda said.

“How about in the area of conception?”

Shonda paused.

“I feel like...He is quiet.” 

“In so many ways God has been faithful, but yet this one thing. It just seems to remain. It’s been one of my longest prayer points since I was a teenager. I’ve seen God move in countless ways, even used me. But still…this one thing remains…and this one thing hurts, Rita. Of all the things it had to be, it had to be the one thing that hurts this bad.”

“Shonda, if God can work on the “little” things in  your life, your wellbeing, your fulfillment, all of that. Why would He abandon your most dire need?”

She gave room for Shonda to ponder this before she continued.

“Do you remember Mrs. Todun from our first year in Queen’s?”, Rita mused with a slight smile.

Shonda remembered the fond memory.

“Yeah I do, with all her shenanigans about us remembering our schedules for believer’s class and making us do chores when we missed our slots.

“Yeah, exactly. You know of all her craziness and intensity, there is one thing she left with us. Do you remember?”

“She really took the time to let us know how much God loved us.”

“Yeah”, Rita said with a smile.”

“Remember her favorite scripture”

“Yeah I do, Matthew 7: 9 - 11”, Shonda responded.

Like practiced students they narrated the scripture together.

Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

Shonda started to see where Rita was going with this walk down memory lane. She was reminding her of her first understanding of God’s care and intentionality. If our earthly parents would never abandon our most dire need. Why would God?

“You get it now don’t you?” Rita said. 

“God doesn’t abandon us in our hardest moments. He wouldn’t be God if He did so. “

“So why would He abandon this one thing Shonda? Of all the things that would hurt you the most? The thing that is His will for you to have, would He then turn around and withhold it?”

“He loves you too much to do that.”

Tears were leaving Shonda’s eyes now.

“Then why does it seem like it? We’ve been waiting for so long, not even one issue. I  don’t know how much more I can take.”, Shonda said trying to gather herself.

Rita paused for the moment. She needed to let Shonda relieve her pain and tried to be there for her friend. After a few moments she responded.

“Have you tried the last thing He said?”

“The last thing He said?”, Shonda looked puzzled.

“Yeah.”

“God is always working and trying to communicate to us even in our darkest moments. So think about it, what was the last thing He said to you?”

Like a light bulb turned on, Shonda’s eyes flashed. She remembered something.

She hadn’t seen it like that but for some reason  her Spirit was finally picking it up.

“I thought He was going to do it Himself.”, she said.

Shonda recalled a dream she had a month ago about a surgery being performed on her womb. She had seen a doctor recommending fibroid surgery and being rolled into the theater. She’d thought the Lord was telling her He would heal her physically, but something seemed off. Like a nagging a feeling that she should go in for the surgery. She had thrown away that thought in fear that she might not be having faith in God to heal her, but it was clear now. She needed to do the surgery. Her doctors had encouraged her to do it but she thought that since it was a benign position she didn’t have to . But God knew best.  She decided to do the surgery in obedience.

#

It had been a weird month. It’s only been two months since the surgery. The doctors told her it was incredibly successful surgery. Her periods were better and she felt lighter. She focused on nothing too different from the ordinary, she didn’t want that pressure on herself anymore. She wanted God to be God. But here she was, by the vanity staring at the countdown of yet another pregnancy test. Her body was telling her something new and she couldn’t resist the test. After what felt like hours the test was in it’s final countdown. Shonda tried not to pace, but her body was starting to betray her. 

The countdown stopped.

She picked up the phone and called her husband. She needed Him.

“John, could come upstairs please?”

A  few moments later.

“Hi baby, where are you?”

John fiddled through their master bedroom. He looked in the closet but she wasn’t there.

“Shonda! Are you ok?”

“I’m here, her voice came from the bathroom”

John walked in and Shonda was crying.

“Baby, what’s wrong, are you ok?”

He walked closer to console her when He saw it.

It was a pregnancy test with the a big plus sign.

His mind didn’t quite get what was going on.

What does a plus sign mean? he thought to himself.

“I’m sorry baby, God will give us our own.”, he tried to comfort his wife.

He put her in a tight embrace and hoped to comfort her through this time yet again.

“He already has John”, Shonda responded.

“It’s a positive test. I’m…I’m…pregnant.”

John froze.

He pulled her away to take a good look at her face. 

“You’re what?”.

“I’m pregnant John, God has done it.”.

#

“Doctor, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying your pregnancy is not progressing in the right range of development. Your fetus is behind by 2 months, it is not developing as it should, and unfortunately it’s also ectopic”. 

Shonda was still trying to process the first sentence What is happening? Isn’t this God’s answer to her prayer? She had prayed for this child. After so many years of waiting, she finally got pregnant. This couldn’t be happening. 

I’m afraid I don’t think your baby will survive another month Mrs Dele. 

John was beside her and he was very quiet. 

She didn’t have anything else to say.

The doctor continued to present their options to move forward, but none of them seemed appropriate. The room still felt like it was moving.

After what felt like hours John responded to the doctor. 

“Can we get back to you on those options, doctor?” 

“I think my wife and I are understandably having a hard time digesting this news”. 

“Understandably Mr. Dele. Please call us and let us know what option you would prefer to move forward”.

Goodbye Doctor, John said stiffly.

Like the Doctor said, she lost the baby 2 weeks later.

#

Today was Bible study and Shonda couldn’t find the strength to get up.The bedroom had been her habitat the past month. How was she going to continue living? Was God even real? Well God is real she couldn’t deny that, but she didn’t understand this side of eternity.  The suffering she had to go through. 

Why would He do everything but the one thing you really needed? The one thing you could do with your eyes closed.  The one thing that he’s said is part of your “salvation package” as they’ve taught us. 

As His Word had said.

Was it me? Shonda continued to ponder. If He’s never going to go back on His Word, then why does it look like He is right now? Everything just feels so confusing.

She was tired. She was just going to forget about having kids now so she could not hurt anymore. Nothing made sense anymore. Someday maybe it would all make sense but for now she was just going to stop wanting them. She was tired.

#

John had noticed the slight change in his wife. Nothing too crazy but he knew. He couldn’t put his thumb on it but she was different. She still went to church, taught the Word and let prayers, but she seemed closed off completely. She smiled and tried to be the best wife she could, but he knew her too well to know something was wrong. His wife always told him everything but she was really closed off now, not wanting to concede that something was wrong. All He knew to do was pray. 

She was a lot more restless at night too. Though he tried to understand, she didn’t give him any particular reasons why. 

For the first time in their marriage he wasn’t getting through to her. All he could do now was pray. It was 2 am in the morning, and he couldn’t really go back to sleep. He decided this was a good time as any to pray.

Heavenly Father, you know Shonda more than I do.

You understand what she’s going through.

Help her know your love even in this moment Lord.

I know that though we may not understand right now that you’re still working, you are still good.

I hurt too Lord.

I miss our little one even though it was only three months of getting to know them.

I hurt, John was crying now.

But even in this time.

Even in this pain, you are here.

Father, please heal my wife.

Help her to know your love for her even though she might not understand.

In Jesus name, Amen.

John wrapped up his prayer and let himself fall asleep

He needed to trust God with His wife.

Why was she by a well? Shonda thought to herself, and who was this man walking towards her.

Good afternoon, ma’am. Please may I have some water. 

Water?, Shonda thought to herself.

“Yes, water “, the man responded as though hearing her thoughts.

“How did you do that?”, she said.

“Do what?”, He smiled sheepishly.

“Why can’t you draw it yourself?”

“I could but it would be nice if you helped me out. I’ve been walking quite a distance”.

Shonda regarded him for a second. She then pulled the bucket and fetched some water from the well.

“Here you go”.

The man reached for his pocket for a cup and pulled some water from the bucket. 

“Would you like some too?”,  He offered another cup that seemed to come out of nowhere. 

“He held out the cup while drinking from the first.”

“Mmh, wow. Talk about satisfying”, he said.

Shonda decided to give it a try. He seemed harmless.

She had a drink, and well it was truly the most satisfying cup of water she’d ever had.

“You know, daughter, I hurt too for you.”

“Daughter?”

Immediately it was like she could she him, really see Him. 

She was speaking with the Lord Jesus. 

Suddenly tears started to stream down her face.

“Master!” Her knees wobbled. She was finding it hard to keep standing.

“Daughter”, he held her hand. 

“You don’t hurt alone.”

Shonda woke up. It was a dream but her eyes were filled with tears still and her pillow showed the drops. She had just met Jesus. Being a seer she knew what just happened. 

She continued to cry. She didn’t want to wake John. She left their bedroom and went in their closet. 

What just happened.

Immediately, she knew. She was to be satisfied with the living water. With Him. 

She had wanted so much for this baby, but God was enough. He loved her. 

She started to remember

Psalms 68: 19

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,

 who daily bears our burdens.

He bore this pain with her, even though she did not understand. He carried it all. He wasn’t a God who was unaware of our pain.

Hebrews 4:15

This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin.

He knew exactly what she was going through.

She started to shake now.

He knew.

She was not alone.

She didn’t have to hide it from Him. He knew!

She started weeping. It was like her body was releasing the pain from the past few months. 

He cared. 

God was close to Shonda, and if He was this close He was surely working to fulfill His Word. He wasn’t one to go back on His Word.

Exodus 23:26

and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span.

Fruitfulness is His promise to me, and if He said it, it was as good as done. 

1 Jn 5: 14 - 15

 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

God loved her.

#

Two months later Shonda got pregnant again and eventually had her baby girl.

The doctor’s  told her that if she had, had the first baby she could have died. It all worked out for her good.